How to Thrive with Physical Limitations?

Physical limitations are categorized as problems perceived as "real".

Individuals facing various restrictions due to age or disability, such as after limb amputation, often fear that it will affect their ability to experience happiness.

Disability is a significant stressor for an individual. Especially when it occurs suddenly, say, due to a road accident.

At that moment, the person confronts the fact of loss: for example, because of a spinal fracture, they may no longer be able to walk.

Normal life, the customary view of the world - everything can break and disappear in an instant, replaced by pain, fear, and disarray.

The adaptation process to new life circumstances is accompanied by various emotions and states, which psychologists conditionally divide into several stages: denial, depression, acceptance, etc.

Some people might "get stuck" at one stage for years, not finding the strength to move to the next, while others may "skip" some stages.

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Moreover, how each affected person perceives their physical shortcomings varies, depending also on the close people surrounding them, the assistance provided to them, and a multitude of factors.

Emotional suffering is often caused not by physical limitations but by distortions in thinking.

In such situations, compassion can produce unwanted effects, intensifying the affected person's self-pity and despair, and reinforcing the belief that a person with a disability is doomed to experience less joy and satisfaction in life than others.

Conversely, when the affected person and their close ones learn to correct distortions in their thinking, they often gain a more fulfilling and joyful emotional life.

For instance, Anna, a 35-year-old married mother of two, began experiencing symptoms of depression around the time her husband's right leg was paralyzed due to a spinal injury.

Over five years, she sought ways to alleviate her growing despair, including outpatient and inpatient treatment, antidepressants, and electroshock therapy, but to no avail.

When Anna turned to a cognitive-behavioral therapist, she was already in severe depression and believed her problems were insurmountable.

In tears, she shared her disappointment in trying to cope with her husband's reduced mobility: "Every time I see other couples doing what we cannot, it becomes unbearably sad for me.

It hurts to see families walking together, traveling, cycling, and it would be incredibly hard for us and Roman to do something like that.

And they consider it perfectly natural and ordinary, as we used to. I would so like to do the same, but we can no longer."

Undoubtedly, Anna and Roman's problem is more than real, as they indeed cannot do many things that most of us can.

The same can be said for the elderly, as well as for the blind, deaf, people with amputated limbs, and people with many other physical limitations.

In fact, if you think about it, we all have some limitations. Does that mean we all have to be deeply unhappy?

There's a lot in life that's worse than not having arms or legs. Fear is one such thing. It's impossible to live a full life if every decision you make is dictated by fear.

Nick Vujicic

Indeed, the distortion that led Anna to emotional suffering and depression was the mental filter.

She dwelled on what was inaccessible to her, ignoring the plethora of opportunities for joint activities with her husband. This explains her sense of emptiness and joylessness.

The solution turned out to be surprisingly simple: together with the psychologist, they compiled a list of everything Anna and Roman could do together.

Thus, instead of focusing only on what they could not do, they began to see the possibilities for spending time together. Let's consider their dialogue:

Psychologist: So, Anna, what do you and your husband do or could you do together?

Anna: Well, we still enjoy each other's company. We go out to dinner together, and we are a great support and strength for each other.

Psychologist: Wonderful, what else?

Anna: Sometimes we drive around the city or can go to the countryside, we play board games, watch movies, read and discuss books, invite friends over, and cook dinner together.

Psychologist: See, in less than a minute, you've already listed five things you can do together. Suppose I gave you a task to continue the list until the next session. How many items do you think you could add?

Anna: I think a lot. Probably, I could come up with things we've never done before. Maybe something unusual, like skydiving.

Psychologist: Exactly right, of course. Perhaps you could add more extreme activities. Keep in mind that you and your husband could do much of what you immediately deemed impossible.

For example, you said you couldn't go to the sea and just walk on the beach, and mentioned how much you'd love to swim. Maybe you could still plan a trip and choose a more secluded spot to feel comfortable?

If I were on the beach and saw you with Roman, his physical disability would not bother me at all. What do you think?

Anna: I'm surprised, but now this thought doesn't seem so impossible. It seems quite achievable, and I feel a great surge of strength and inspiration from these thoughts.

Some people may not believe that such a difficult problem can be solved or that a depression like Anna's could disappear after working with thoughts and beliefs.

Nevertheless, at the end of therapy, Anna noted the complete disappearance of negative emotions and said she felt better than she had in years.

To maintain progress, she will, of course, have to continue to work hard on herself, work with her thoughts, change thinking habits, but she is ready and willing, and that is the most important thing when dealing with depression.

Imagine, for instance, you really want to fly to the Moon.

If you constantly thought about how slim the chances are of flying to the Moon, since you're at least not an astronaut, don't have the required good health, not enough money, perhaps you're not so young anymore, then most likely, you would be very disappointed.

However, there are many other things you can do, and if you focus on those, you will feel happier.