Am I Always to Blame? The Illusion of Omnipotence

In any situation, no matter the outcome, I am the reason.

Missed the train—took too long to get ready. People across from me on the subway are laughing—they must be laughing at me. My partner is in a bad mood—so I must have done something wrong.

Sound familiar?

If so, then we are dealing with the belief in one’s own omnipotence.

Each of us has encountered personalization to some extent.

You are convinced that people around you are reacting solely to you, that their actions, thoughts, and feelings entirely depend on your behavior, even though this is beyond your control.

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But you torment yourself, condemning yourself and feeling a crushing sense of guilt.

Paradoxically, the belief in your own omnipotence and omniscience limits you, plunging you into anxiety and reducing your efficiency.

How does personalization manifest?

“It’s all because of me”: You tend to believe that everything that happens in life is the result of your own actions. It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, you take full responsibility.

“It’s all about me”: You are convinced that those around you are constantly thinking about you, talking about you, noticing all your mistakes and shortcomings.

“I’m to blame”: Guilt becomes a constant companion, regardless of the real causes of events.

For example:

Imagine you walk into a store, and at the checkout, the cashier responds rudely to you. Instead of thinking that the cashier might have had a bad day or is just rude, you start blaming yourself: “I must have said or done something wrong.”

You go to a meeting with friends, and someone you don’t like is invited. You think they did this on purpose to show that you are not wanted and that they don’t want to be friends with you.

“If she doesn’t answer my call, it means she’s mad at me.”

These teenagers are laughing and exchanging glances—they must be talking about me.

Why is personalization dangerous?

Excessive self-criticism: People may tend towards self-criticism and guilt over events that were actually beyond their control.

Stress and anxiety: The constant feeling that all problems are because of me leads to chronic stress and anxiety.

Relationship problems: People prone to personalization may misinterpret others’ behavior, feeling offended and damaging relationships.

Distorted perception of reality: Like any irrational belief, personalization leads you astray, hindering you from evaluating the situation soberly and overlooking objective facts and circumstances.

Low self-esteem: By constantly blaming yourself for everything, you undermine your self-confidence.

Victim mentality: Some people unconsciously try to harm themselves by punishing themselves for imagined misdeeds. They may allow others to treat them dismissively.

Guilt inevitably creates a scenario of punishment, without your consciousness knowing it

Vadim Zeland

This type of belief forms in childhood.

It is known that children’s thinking is egocentric, meaning a child sincerely believes that they are the cause of everything happening around them.

For example, it is completely normal for three- to four-year-old children to believe that the sun rises because they woke up and sets when it’s time for them to go to bed.

However, many adults, even as they grow up, still use elements of egocentric thinking in their daily lives.

Family or societal pressure can make a person feel responsible for the well-being of others. For example, a child who is forced to care for their parents at an early age.

Self-esteem issues can be both a consequence and a cause of such beliefs.

Traumatic experiences in the past can also contribute to personalization. At an early age, there is a high likelihood of a child’s thinking becoming distorted, leading them to believe that everything that happens depends on them.

For example, if someone often heard phrases like “It’s all your fault” or “You never do anything right” from their parents during childhood, they might carry this “label” throughout life, attributing all negative events to their own fault.

In some cultures, it is customary to take responsibility for everything that happens around you. This can lead people to be prone to personalization, even if they are not to blame for what happens.

Whatever the reasons for the formation of beliefs, we can change our thinking at any stage of life if we have the motivation.

In the next chapter, we will, as usual, discuss the main recommendations for dealing with the belief in your own omnipotence.

You cannot blame yourself for everything if you do not consider yourself omnipotent.

Mikhail Bulgakov