What happens to a person when they learn they have a serious, potentially life-threatening illness? Many people face such trials, yet explaining what they feel to someone who is healthy can seem like an incredibly difficult task.
Your illness does not define you. It is your strength and courage in facing it that defines you.
Jules Renard
Stories of people facing serious illness are often the basis for novels or films. In cinema, these plots might take a comedic form, but in reality, things are much more complex.
Regardless of the severity or duration of the illness, a “terminal diagnosis” always hits like an explosion or a lightning strike.
A person facing a terminal diagnosis may experience reactive depression. Reactive depression is a rapidly developing mental health condition that arises in response to traumatic events or intense stress.
In this state, a person may constantly experience fear, anxiety, apathy, low mood, fatigue, insecurity, and suicidal thoughts, as well as issues with sleep and appetite.
Many illnesses fundamentally change a person’s lifestyle. Someone who was once a healthy, active lover of travel and nature can overnight become unable to get out of bed.
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In such a state, they may be unable to use the bathroom or take a shower independently, let alone go for a simple walk.
Moreover, realizing how much time and energy their loved ones must spend on their care can make them feel like a burden.
Olga was 39 years old when her life changed drastically due to a cancer scare.
It felt as if life had come to a standstill; she felt cut off from her familiar reality. All her previous fears and anxieties seemed trivial and insignificant compared to the horror that had suddenly descended upon her.
When her worst fears were confirmed, it hit Olga and her family like a grenade blast.
In the months that followed, physical weakness plunged her into even deeper despondency.
Everything was made harder not just by the physical discomfort of the illness and chemotherapy, but by the need to give up activities that had been deeply meaningful to her.
Olga could no longer manage household chores as she once did (her husband took these over), and she had to give up her beloved work, hobbies, and long walks with friends.
Given the reality of Olga’s situation, should her depression be considered inevitable?
Through her work with a psychologist, she identified the automatic thoughts and unhelpful beliefs that were troubling her:
These thoughts triggered sadness, anger, frustration, and guilt—similar to the thoughts of physically healthy people experiencing depression.
The depression was caused not so much by the tumor itself, but by a negative mindset that undermined her sense of self-worth. By linking her personal value to her achievements, Olga was causing herself unnecessary suffering.
To her, cancer meant: “Your time is up! You are worth nothing now!”.
When Olga and her psychologist mapped out her personal “value” from birth to her projected lifespan, she saw that her inherent value remained unchanged, staying at 85% on a scale of 0 to 100%.
The psychologist also suggested she rate her productivity over a similar period.
She drew a curve showing that her productivity was low in childhood, peaked during adulthood, and then declined toward the present.
This led to an insight for Olga. First, she realized that even though her productivity had dropped due to illness, she continued to contribute to herself and her family through many small but important and valuable actions.
Only black-and-white thinking could have pushed her to believe that her contribution was zero.
Second, and more importantly, she realized that her personal value was constant and stable; it was an inherent truth, independent of her achievements.
This understanding allowed her to realize that she doesn’t have to “earn” her human worth, and that even while weakened, she remains just as valuable.
Realizing this fact significantly reduced her depressive symptoms. It didn’t remove the tumor, the pain, or the physical suffering, but it restored her wounded self-esteem and substantially changed her emotional state.
Illness cannot steal your hope unless you let it.
Nick Vujicic
